Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Jumbled thoughts

For I know the plans I have for you...plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13


Fear I think drives a lot of my actions and I am most likely not alone. Lots of fear on my mind lately.. fear of failing, fear of being alone, fear of non-acceptance, fear of not conveying what I really mean when I feel like I am trying so hard.


Selfishness is rampant in society today and although I cannot even come close to saying I am completely selfLESS, I feel like I go out of my way to be that a lot of the time. I like to help people with both the material and intangible. This was a trait instilled in me by my mother and one I am very thankful to have.


Fear and selflessness. Quite unrelated, but they seem to be smashing together like a 20 car pile-up in my head lately. I feel misunderstood. I fear that misunderstanding. I try so hard to help, explain myself, love on others and I fear that others think I have ulterior motives - like I want something or I am just saying it to make myself look or feel better.

But the big secret is.. it's most often with pure intentions.

I'm not sure what the big guy's plan is for me... but I know He wants me to keep on giving and loving and not retreat for the fear of being misunderstood. My heart has been singed a few times, but it keeps on going.

And so shall I.

1 comment:

  1. I totally feel you on the trying hard with good intentions but being misunderstood thing. Sometimes that really gets me down. Hope things have improved since you posted this (sorry it took me a while to catch up on commenting!)

    Fear is an interesting thing, too, isn't it? I am so often driven by fear in my life. I think I've gotten better at not letting myself do that as I get older, but it will always be a struggle for me.


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