Friday, May 7, 2010

A question

A thought just popped into my head tonight and I figured I'd post it here and see what kind of feedback I'd get.

Yet another person from my past has added me on Facebook. No, not an old boyfriend or anything with significant personal history, but just someone I knew for a few years on a casual basis.

Said person I think had a few kids with their then wife and it looks like they are now divorced and he has moved on to someone new. Whatever. It happens.

However, my thought went something like this:

Poor woman carried his kids in her body. Ravaged her body by stretching it this way and that. Most likely gained weight that she could never seem to lose. Basically, not the same woman physically that he fell in love with.

Now she's gone and he is free to move on to someone who has never had kids and it's like starting over.

And the old wife is left with her body and probably a healthy dose of self-esteem issues.

Now, if the person who made me think these thoughts is reading this and you think "Wow, she is talking about me and she TOTALLY has it wrong", well, I don't know your story... just telling you where my thoughts led me. For all I know she cheated on you and you are the sole provider to your kids now because she is living on the streets trying to support her drug habit - or something like that.

Anyway, I think this just hit a big fear button in me. I am terrified of giving my all to someone and in the end having them take off - only to leave me with possibly nothing... or at least a very beat up version of what I once was.

Something to think on for sure.

Thoughts? I don't care if I don't know you.... if you are reading this, any comment is appreciated. Has anyone else thought about this? Or am I alone in this fear?


  1. Great post. I never thought about the subject that way. Your brutal honesty is refreshing.

    I have to imagine the woman wouldn't be too upset about her body changes from her pregnancies. She still has her kids, which probably makes it worth it in her mind. If she lost her kids, however, that'd probably make it more difficult.

    I've dealt with the fear of divorce as well. Although guys won't be physically ravaged by pregnancy, I think everyone leaves divorce emotionally and mentally ravaged to an even greater degree. Separating what God once joined has to be so painful.

    I don't dismiss the evil of divorce as something that will never challenge my future marriage. Every married person has to think about it at some point. ...I simply look forward to an ongoing miracle within my marriage in order to hold it together, make it grow stronger, and continue to remind others of Christ's unfailing covenant love extended to us.

    Once again, great post. Thanks.

  2. Ton,

    I'm not EXACTLY sure what your question is. :( I know you are not alone in your fear of giving your all to someone and then having them leave you. It is a fear felt by both men and women alike. I don't think pregnancy and what it can do to one's body should really factor in. It's a bit sexist. Not only that, but as you know and kind of stated, there are two sides to every story. I'm curious as to why you feel for the woman who had the child(ren) though. Yes, it's hard on the woman's body, but mine bounced back and I am hoping it will again, so that means that other people's bodies have recovered nicely as well. It's all in how you take care of yourself and self-esteem is a PERSONAL issue, hence the "self" part in it... I may be rambling, but yeah...

    And if the guy left her because she gained weight after pregnancy and he no longer found her aesthetically (spelling?) appealing, then he is shallow and has done the woman a favour by not wasting her time and allowing her the opportunity to be with someone who loves her as she is. People, intelligent and rational people, generally look at divorce as a last resort after all other options have been attempted because there are major issues in the marriage that are not being resolved, NOT because someone gets fat after popping out a couple of kids.


  3. Well I can only tell you what I think from my perspective. My two kids are the most awesome people on the planet. I got diabetes with the first one (probably would have happened anyway, its type 1), I got stretch marks like you wouldnt believe, My waist got bigger and hasnt shrunk back. I am a good 40 pounds heavier (I cant blame it all on them...) but even if I had lost an arm and a leg I wouldnt care. They are the best parts of me. I love them so much sometimes I am crazy with fear something might happen to them. Luckily their father is still with me, and we are happy but if he were to leave me tomorrow I wouldnt regret a minute of it because I have them and they are the most amazing gift ever. So I hope that helps a little bit. Nice blog you have here! Michele (from SOChi way back in the day... found you here via your facebook page.)

  4. A little late on this reply but I just wanted to post back from my perspective as a mother of two....... I say that having my two precious children has, if anything, turned me into a more solid, deeper, person and definitely not a "very beat up version of what I once was" (well except the bags under my eyes, I do look kinda beat up I suppose!) The stretch marks, thicker waist, and let's not forget deflated boobs are the last thing on your the situation you described above I would be more worried about would the new woman in the dad's life love your kids and treat them well, sharing custody, the effect of divorce on the kids, etc. Having had my body ravaged by two pregnancies I say I feel more comfortable in my saggier skin now than I did before having kids, (and whether you believe it or not, my body HAS changed, esp with the second baby - my belly will never be the same) and if Brian walked away tomorrow, I'm pretty sure whatever guy came along next would appreciate that self confidence over my old perfect waistline, and if not he's not the right guy! So if you give your all to someone, and they take off, if precious children come from that union, you've created life and trust me will be full of love for those babies and will be truly blessed, with or without the guy. However, your new worst fear will become...what if something bad happens to my kids! It's never ending I guess! drink lots of wine, or take some xanax HAHA. I'm just saying......

    Vanessa (I don't know how to post, so I am going to pick annonymous) :)


Please leave me feedback and/or comments - they are much appreciated!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...